fbpx
Nancy Colier

Do You Feel Alone When You’re Together? How to Deepen Your Connection With Your Partner

A lot of couples show up in my office because they don’t feel deeply connected.  Often, one member of the couple feels like she can’t connect with her partner and is lonely in the relationship.  Couples describe intimate relationships that contain a paltry supply of real intimacy.  In light of this, I wanted to offer something I witnessed recently, which was […]

When We Can No Longer Silence Our Truth

This week something remarkable happened—change happened. When a long-present way of feeling or behaving transforms, I view it as a miracle, a gift of grace. Two months ago, a dear friend, someone I consider family, asked to borrow money.  I’m working a lot these days (thankfully) and therefore could provide the help. My friend told me that […]

Choosing Love Over Fear: Responding From Love Not Reacting From Fear

Reject fear, choose love. This is a popular refrain and wonderful advice. Many believe that there are only two primal emotions in the human being, love and fear, and that we cannot feel both at once. And, that in the same way that light removes darkness, love can remove fear. The choice to reject fear and choose love can feel like […]

When Feeling Guilty is Your Natural State

Do you ever feel like you’re inclined to accept the blame when things go wrong?  The truth is, some of us are more prone to feeling guilty, as if a background sense of guilt is just wired into our system.  Even if we don’t know specifically what we did wrong, we’re convinced that we did something we shouldn’t have, […]

How Long Should You Wait For Your Partner to Commit?

Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. The word has a single definition, but it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choose to be part of a couple. And on a practical level, it means the possibility of planning for a future—even if it’s […]

Are You Ready to Stop Being a Victim?

A victim, according to Webster’s dictionary, is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated or fooled by someone else, or harmed by an unpleasant event. Everyone gets attacked, injured, cheated, fooled and harmed during their life, if not physically then emotionally. And everyone gets harmed by unpleasant events.  We’re all victims, in […]

Are You On Your Own Side? How to Take Good Care of Yourself From the Inside Out

Have you ever wondered why we’re so bad at self-care, why taking care of ourselves is so difficult for us human beings, and not simply inborn?  Every week, another book comes out on how to take better care of ourselves. So why are we not getting it? For one thing, our self-care approach in this culture is […]

When We Need an Apology But Are Never Going to Get One

Why is it so hard for some people to say “I’m sorry”? It’s remarkable how difficult these two simple words can be to say out loud. I’ve been gifted with my share of never-sorry people over the years. I say gifted, because not getting the “I’m sorry” I’ve craved and (I thought) deserved has forced me to investigate the psychology of apologies, as well […]

Can a Relationship Recover From Resentment?

As a relationship-oriented therapist, I am often asked “What’s the biggest problem couples face?”  The easy answers are money and sex, but neither would be exactly true or at least not what has walked into my office or my life.  The most common problem I see in intimate partnerships is what I call, t Paula […]