Freeing Yourself From Your Partner’s Behavior
I recently wrote an article about a client who enjoys her marriage and who also struggles with her partner’s angry outbursts. The article garnered some fierce criticism. To recap: After many years of explaining to her partner how and why his anger (and denial of that anger) was hurtful and not okay, his behavior continued, barely impacted by her […]
Keeping Your Life Simple, Even After the Pandemic is Over
Are you starting to feel anxious about the world opening up, about possibilities becoming possible again? We’re not there yet, but are you feeling a little nervous nonetheless, with maybe even a tinge of loss? For a lot of people, this phase of the pandemic is bringing with it a new and unexpected kind of stress. The anxiety that’s bubbling up right now is not about life closing […]
The Harder Life Gets the Softer We Need to Be
When life gets hard and things go wrong, the most counterintuitive and seemingly impossible choice is to relax, to soften, and find ease with what’s happening. How can we (and why should we) relax when life feels out of control, and not in a good way? When difficulty arises, we fight with it, brace against it. Our […]
When Your Relationship Is Not What You Think It “Should” Be
There comes a time in every relationship when you realize that something you think you need and “should” have is not available. What you do when you discover this can determine the future of the relationship, and your contentment within it. Our partner will have limitations, just as we will. It might be something small […]
Rushing to Be Okay Before You Are Okay
From the time we’re young, we’re taught to find the silver lining in every cloud, to search for the lesson in every challenge. Adversity is our teacher, darkness brings light, difficulty is an opportunity. Yes, that’s all useful, but sometimes, we rush the positive narrative before we’ve allowed ourselves to feel the actual feelings … the hard […]
Hitting the Pandemic Wall
How to keep going when you’re depleted and there’s no finish line in sight. As a society, we are hitting the proverbial wall in this pandemic. We’ve gone through the stage of being happy to clean out the closets, bake new goodies, catch up on every Netflix series we missed, or learn how to order a meal in a new language. And, through the […]
Just Because It’s Family Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Toxic
We are buried in “shoulds” when it comes to what we’re supposed to do with family members who treat us badly. We’re taught that we should feel grateful for family—no matter what. The fact that a relationship feels toxic or emotionally abusive is irrelevant; it’s family, so it’s sacred. Ali remembers her sister always being an angry person. After their […]
How “Should” You Do a Pandemic? Are You Falling Short?
It’s remarkable, but the feeling “I’m not doing enough” can survive and thrive even in a pandemic. Your inner-critic might be starting to kick in just about now, perhaps asking, have you been doing that fabulous yoga teacher’s classes online? Enrolling in classes through Princeton, Columbia and all the other amazing schools that are now free? […]
Parenting in a Pandemic: Staying Calm Because We Have to
So, we’ve baked 1,002 brownies, made 76 LEGO castles, played 43 rounds of UNO, read seven chapters of a graphic novel, and it’s still only 10 a.m. This is not good news. After six days cooped up in the house with two children and no babysitters, I have taken to moving objects from one side of the room […]
Within Every Crisis, A Profound Opportunity Appears
In times of fear, we return to the simple joys, and to each other. Yesterday, with all the craziness going on in the news, all the reasons we should avoid each other, not touch anything, not trust anything, not trust each other, I decided to take a walk in the park. Why not? It was […]