The Guilt That Women Suffer

Women struggle mightily with the emotion of guilt. I’ve observed this truth for nearly 30 years as a psychotherapist, friend, mother, employer, neighbor, and in every other role I play with fellow women. When it comes to emotional well-being, guilt may be the greatest obstacle we face. Men struggle with guilt, too — it’s a human emotion […]

What’s Happened to Emotional Resilience?

My friend Jane was lamenting the fact that her 10-year-old daughter would be coming home from camp early. Jane had finally given in; she couldn’t take the sobbing phone calls about how awful camp was and how the girls in the cabin were irritating, impossible, and essentially, mistreating her daughter.  My friend was confused and frustrated […]

Should vs. Want: Freeing Yourself From the “Shoulding” Habit

Have you ever noticed how much of your life is driven and dictated by the word (and feeling) of should? Most of us devote an inordinate amount of time and energy to doing and being what we think we should do and be. At the same time, we spend a surprisingly small amount of attention on what we […]

Anxious About Returning to Family Gatherings? Be Prepared.

Seeing family again, in person, can be triggering. How to emotionally prepare.   Over the coming months, many of us will be attending in-person family gatherings, maybe for the first time in close to two years. While being with family in the flesh can feel nourishing and joyful, and you may be really looking forward […]

The More We Make Room for What Hurts, the Better We Feel

This past weekend I witnessed an event that was both utterly simple and utterly profound, an interaction that beautifully demonstrates what we really need to feel OK. I was sitting at an outdoor café, when what appeared to be a family of three: a mom, dad, and their 9-ish-year-old daughter (who was carrying a wrapped […]

How to Relax When You Don’t Have the Answers

The first time it was suggested to me that I stop trying to think up a solu­tion to the situation I was trying desperately to solve, to figure it all out, it sounded a lovely idea. But truth be told, I had no idea how to put this advice into action. Resolution, for me, had […]

Putting the Brakes on Overthinking

I talk and write a lot about why we overthink and ruminate so much, and keep thinking about all the worst parts of our lives, all the things that bring us pain. At the most basic level, we stay hooked on our thoughts because thinking gives us a sense of control. It makes us feel […]

When COVID Threatens to Break Up Your Relationship

The pandemic has massively disrupted normal life, creating conflict and suffering in innumerable ways. This much we know. But what I didn’t know, or expect, was how much disruption and the particular kind of conflict the pandemic would create in marriages and long-term relationships. For the first year of the pandemic, couples actually managed well. […]

How to Relax When You Don’t Have the Answers

The first time it was suggested to me that I stop trying to think up a solu­tion to the situation I was trying desperately to solve, to figure it all out, it sounded a lovely idea. But truth be told, I had no idea how to put this advice into action. Resolution, for me, had […]

Has the Pandemic Changed Your Desire to Socialize?

So much in our lives has changed over the last 18 months.  The way we work, socialize, eat, exercise, entertain ourselves, travel, and everything else, all has been altered.  But more than just what we do has changed, what we want has also changed, or maybe not changed exactly, but just become more clear. Before the […]