Nancy Colier

What to Do When Your Partner Projects Their “Stuff” Onto You

In Part 3 of this series, I want to offer some guidance for when you’re the one being projected on—those moments when your partner is accusing you of causing their old and unhealed wounds, and blaming you for stuff you know is not about you. After a recent visit to meet with an architect to […]

Projection and Defensiveness: The 2 Relationship Toxins that Can Poison the House

Bob (not his real name) has been complaining to me about his wife, Jan, for months now. According to Bob, she humiliates him. In social situations, Jan behaves as if he doesn’t exist; she excludes him from conversations with other people and treats him like someone who’s utterly irrelevant. Bob often gets angry and accuses […]

How to Stay Grounded When Faced With Those Who Trigger Us

Is there someone in your life, maybe from your past, whose company sets off strong and difficult feelings over which you don’t seem to have any control, no matter how much “work” you’ve done and continue to do? If so, you’re not alone. In part 1 of this two-part series, I described the frustration, confusion, […]

How to Have a Healthy Relationship With Your Emotions

Lina was someone who ruminated and worried all the time. Her mind was constantly busy chewing on and planning for one problem or another. She desperately wanted relief from her thoughts and the cacophony of her mind. And so we went to work. Through the practice of mindfulness, Lina learned to witness her thoughts; she discovered […]

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Maya had just accepted a job. It wasn’t in the field that really interested her, but it was a good position with many positive features. Her new supervisor was flexible and had kindly pushed back the start date for the job by a week to accommodate her childcare situation. He seemed relieved and excited to […]

A Better Way to Make Hard Choices

Making a difficult decision can be overwhelming and paralyzing for some people. Decisions are difficult because we want a certain outcome but don’t know which choice will deliver it. And so we fret, ruminate, think and think and think some more, all in an effort to figure it out. Caught in Indecision We get caught […]

Self-Care: When You Need More Than a Trip to the Spa

When we reach our forties and fifties, many women go through a powerful and profound change process. By this point in life, a lot of us have succeeded in creating a good life. We’re living comfortably, making a substantial income, and thriving in our careers. We’ve launched our children; they’re in college or finishing high […]

An Ode to Feeling Uncomfortable

It seems that we’re no longer willing or able to tolerate feeling uncomfortable. And furthermore, we’ve come to believe we shouldn’t have to tolerate any kind of emotional discomfort. Any situation that could possibly trigger uncomfortable feelings is now viewed as overwhelming, unnatural, and in need of correction. So then, what’s discomfort—this experience that we […]

The Greatest Gift You Can Give a Long-Term Partner

When we think of virtues, we usually think of the classics: wisdom, compassion, humility, patience, fortitude, courage, kindness, gratitude, and the like. But there are a number of underrated, less-discussed virtues that are vitally important in creating a good life. One that rarely makes the top-ten lists is curiosity. When it comes to virtues, curiosity gets short […]