Nancy Colier

Responding Mindfully When Your Partner is Projecting On You

In my previous post on projection, I discussed two important skills for when your partner projects their “stuff” onto you. I encouraged awareness and empathy, and suggested that projection can paradoxically encourage connection; when you’re aware of what your partner is emotionally carrying, you can be more sensitive and speak directly to their emotional wounds, regardless of […]

Projection and Defensiveness: The 2 Relationship Toxins that Can Poison the House

Bob (not his real name) has been complaining to me about his wife, Jan, for months now. According to Bob, she humiliates him. In social situations, Jan behaves as if he doesn’t exist; she excludes him from conversations with other people and treats him like someone who’s utterly irrelevant. Bob often gets angry and accuses […]

Because Our Thoughts Make Sense Doesn’t Mean They’re True

Trying to find peace with the mind is like trying to open a lock with a banana… Carol came to see me with a serious agenda.  She and her husband had had a disagreement the evening before our session and Carol wanted to explain to me why her husband had said what upset her, and […]

The Neuroscience of… Everything

Is there anything one can read these days that isn’t about neruoscience?  Could there be anything left to scan in the MRI tube?  Those parts of life that used to be considered emotional, experiential, sensorial, or just plain mysterious are now being figured out and cerebral-ized by brain scientists.  Neuroscience claims to have cracked the code on love, romance, sexuality, homosexuality, attachment, creativity, courage, happiness, grief, conscience, intuition, morality, appetite, […]

How to Heal Defensiveness in Close Relationships

Most of us are defensive in close relationships. If we’re not, we have to interact with people who are. It is the relational disease of our culture and the one that imprisons and destroys intimacy, and prevents love and connection between partners and friends. Why are we so defensive and what are we so afraid of?  And… […]