How to Protect Yourself From Passive Aggression
Mary told her husband (respectfully) that his comment felt hurtful. She suggested that he could have spoken to her differently and offered a response that would have felt supportive and kind. Her husband erupted with anger. Who was she to be judge and jury of him? He wasn’t interested in being controlled by her with […]
Why You Can’t “Figure Out” Your Way to Happiness
We spend our early years learning how to do stuff; we learn to walk, talk, read, play sports, have conversations and everything in between. Early on, we’re indoctrinated into the belief that knowing things holds weight and is important for our happiness and even survival. Knowing makes us valid, valuable, powerful, sought after, and many other positive things. Knowing makes […]
How to Accept What We Really Don’t Want to Accept
Right now there’s something going on in my life that’s very difficult, something that I definitely don’t want as part of my life. I don’t want this to be my reality and yet it’s clear that all of my wishing it weren’t so has done nothing to make it not true. As is always the case: […]
Why Paying Attention to This Moment Creates Your Best Future
Living in the present moment — it’s the practice at the heart of all mindfulness teachings, and the essence of well-being. But what is it, this thing we call being present? I’m not sure we all share the same answers for what it means, or if it even matters that we do. What does matter, however, is […]
Living In The Question: When Not Knowing Is The Answer
We are obsessed with knowing. We demand answers to all our questions and confusions, answers to even the as-yet unanswerable. And, we demand that we find answers quickly, to save us from having to sit in the unknown. We’re taught from the earliest age that not knowing is bad, we’re bad, or at least not as good if we don’t […]
When the Truth Sets You Free
For years, I’ve had an ongoing conflict with a family member. It’s a conflict that I think many of us can identify with. The issue, in a nutshell, is that this other person believes that I should be providing something for her that (she believes) I am not providing. And, she believes that not providing this for her […]
Can We Learn to Want What We Have?
Thanksgiving is a day of thanks and giving, as the name implies. It’s a day we set aside to feel and express gratitude for all that we have, to slow down and nourish ourselves with what really fills our bucket. We focus on what’s good, what we love—our blessings. We fill and fulfill ourselves with good food, good […]
Because Our Thoughts Make Sense Doesn’t Mean They’re True
Trying to find peace with the mind is like trying to open a lock with a banana… Carol came to see me with a serious agenda. She and her husband had had a disagreement the evening before our session and Carol wanted to explain to me why her husband had said what upset her, and […]
How Thoughts Get in the Way of Being Present
If just one word were to go in a time capsule to represent our society right now, the word would have to be “mindfulness.” Mindfulness is in every book title, workshop, conversation, idea, and everything else we now encounter. We’re a society obsessed with mindfulness. So what is this thing we’re all talking about and presumably trying to create? And […]
When We Can No Longer Silence Our Truth
This week something remarkable happened—change happened. When a long-present way of feeling or behaving transforms, I view it as a miracle, a gift of grace. Two months ago, a dear friend, someone I consider family, asked to borrow money. I’m working a lot these days (thankfully) and therefore could provide the help. My friend told me that […]