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Nancy Colier

When Is It Time to Stop Trying to Fix Ourselves?

Are you a self-help junkie? Even if you don’t have a stack of books on your bedside table detailing the newest ways to fix yourself, you still might be. And it wouldn’t be your fault if you were. Our  conditioning from a very young age is to believe that we need to become better, new and improved versions of ourselves, even […]

When You’re In Relationship With a Blamer

There is no better time for growing than the holiday season. And not just growing in the belly, but in the heart and mind as well. Family interactions, particularly those that go on over a period of consecutive days, offer profound opportunities for self-awareness, learning, and evolution. Our greatest challenges are our greatest teachers, and they often […]

Who’s In Charge, Computers or Humans?

Something remarkable happened yesterday, not remarkable good but remarkable crazy.  I was riding in one of the new group taxis that have taken over New York City, and we were traveling from midtown West to midtown East.  I was the next to be dropped off and there were umpteen routes that we could take to […]

How to Make Every Day Feel Sacred: Cultivating the Profound Inside the Mundane

I recently returned from a remarkable and different kind of weekend.  It was a weekend infused with poetry, ritual, music, beauty and kindness.  Three days dedicated to bringing meaning to the surface of life, up from the hidden depths where it normally lives.  We listened to the exquisite words of the poet David Whyte, resonated with stories of love, friendship, […]

When Someone We Love Believes Something We Hate

A dear friend believes something that I think is absurd — unimaginable in fact. That he could think what he thinks is not just absurd and unimaginable to me, but also distasteful, and profoundly difficult to respect. Complicating the matter in this case is that what he believes is something that I “should” do, that […]

The #1 Most Important Relationship Skill

I received an outpouring of feedback on my recent blog, “What We Really Want and Almost Never Get,” about the profound importance of listening in relationships. The comments confirm that what men and women alike most desire in our relationships is to be heard without judgment and understood where we are. So many have poignantly […]

What We Want Most From Relationships (But Rarely Get)

Most couples come to see me to learn better communication skills—or at least that’s what they say in the first session. What gets described as communication problems, however, are in fact usually listening problems. The truth is, we’re not very good listeners; we don’t know (and are not taught) how to listen to each other, at least not in […]

How to Live in the Real World (Minus One Troubling Word)

Of all the words that exist in our language, “should” may be the one that creates the most suffering. Every aspect of our life is affected and infiltrated by it: I “should” be, he/she “should” be, my life “should” be, this moment “should” be… Sometimes we utter our “shoulds” out loud, sometimes we think them consciously, […]

Loving Yourself on Valentine’s Day

With Valentine’s Day coming, love is the topic of the moment. When we think about love, we generally think in terms of who loves us and whom we love, both of which refer to others. But what if Valentine’s Day were really about falling in love with ourselves, cherishing ourselves, and knowing ourselves as manifestations […]