Responding Mindfully When Your Partner is Projecting On You
In my previous post on projection, I discussed two important skills for when your partner projects their “stuff” onto you. I encouraged awareness and empathy, and suggested that projection can paradoxically encourage connection; when you’re aware of what your partner is emotionally carrying, you can be more sensitive and speak directly to their emotional wounds, regardless of […]
How to Relax When You Don’t Have the Answers
The first time it was suggested to me that I stop trying to think up a solution to the situation I was trying desperately to solve, to figure it all out, it sounded a lovely idea. But truth be told, I had no idea how to put this advice into action. Resolution, for me, had […]
Putting the Brakes on Overthinking
I talk and write a lot about why we overthink and ruminate so much, and keep thinking about all the worst parts of our lives, all the things that bring us pain. At the most basic level, we stay hooked on our thoughts because thinking gives us a sense of control. It makes us feel […]
When COVID Threatens to Break Up Your Relationship
The pandemic has massively disrupted normal life, creating conflict and suffering in innumerable ways. This much we know. But what I didn’t know, or expect, was how much disruption and the particular kind of conflict the pandemic would create in marriages and long-term relationships. For the first year of the pandemic, couples actually managed well. […]
How to Relax When You Don’t Have the Answers
The first time it was suggested to me that I stop trying to think up a solution to the situation I was trying desperately to solve, to figure it all out, it sounded a lovely idea. But truth be told, I had no idea how to put this advice into action. Resolution, for me, had […]
Harmony in Relationship Does Not Require Agreement
James and Anna came to see me because of a big fight they were embroiled in. The issue was money, which I learned they had been arguing about for years, with no resolution. However, within a few minutes, it became clear that money was not their only or actual problem. They had vastly different ideas […]
How We, as Women, Give Away Our Power
Gwen was a working comedian when I first met her. She wasn’t famous yet, but it seemed that she was on her way there. I had never met an artist who pushed herself so hard. No matter how tired she was, she showed up at every audition and never said no to any possible opportunity. […]
What If We Acted a Little Kinder Than We Felt, or Thought?
A feeling of joy and relief has arrived for many people in this country. After four years of going to bed with our stomachs in knots, hearts heavy and brains on fire, trying to make peace with yet another horrible thing, it will be a while before our shoulders fully drop and the knots in […]
Are You A People-Pleaser at Your Own Expense?
Petra was furious when she woke up in the morning—furious at herself. The previous evening, she had met up with an old friend visiting from out of town. He was going through a rough divorce and needed to talk. Petra went into the evening ready to listen, and to be a good friend. Based on the fact […]
Surviving 2020, One Panic Attack at a Time
Wow, 2020! Our year of anxiety. Many of us are walking around with a sense of trepidation, if not abject fear, in our bellies, and brains. Sometimes it feels like there’s so much to be afraid of, so much on the line right now, that there’s literally no way to be OK. So, what are […]