What We Want Most From Relationships (But Rarely Get)
Most couples come to see me to learn better communication skills—or at least that’s what they say in the first session. What gets described as communication problems, however, are in fact usually listening problems. The truth is, we’re not very good listeners; we don’t know (and are not taught) how to listen to each other, at least not in […]
How to Live in the Real World (Minus One Troubling Word)
Of all the words that exist in our language, “should” may be the one that creates the most suffering. Every aspect of our life is affected and infiltrated by it: I “should” be, he/she “should” be, my life “should” be, this moment “should” be… Sometimes we utter our “shoulds” out loud, sometimes we think them consciously, […]
Is Technology Disempowering Us?
I recently reached out to a number of parents, six to be exact, about my concern for our children and what personal technology is doing to their minds, moods, behavior, relationships, and just about everything else. Specifically, I pointed out what I witness: the constant need for distraction, relating to the device rather than the person […]
Why We Hold Grudges and How to Let Them Go: It’s Not About the Person Who Wronged You, It’s About Who You Want to Be
Karen, 65, is very angry at her ex-boyfriend. It seems he asked her best friend out on a date, a few days after breaking up with Karen. He was her boyfriend in high school. Paul, 45, can’t forgive his sister, because, as he sees it, she treated him like he didn’t matter when they were children. […]
Spiritual Beings On a Human Journey: How to Remember Our Stardust
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Most of us have heard these words from the French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. And for most of us, there is something about this idea that resonates at a very primordial level. Something in us knows, deep […]
Dropping Your “Me” Story: How to Stop Taking Your Life So Personally
Kate’s previous evening had culminated in a post-midnight event of Moo goo gai pan. When she arrived at my office the next morning, she was not only full of chicken and mushrooms, but even more full of remorse and self-loathing. She was swimming in a cocktail of emotions, which included shame, frustration, disappointment, disgust, sadness […]
Loving Yourself on Valentine’s Day
With Valentine’s Day coming, love is the topic of the moment. When we think about love, we generally think in terms of who loves us and whom we love, both of which refer to others. But what if Valentine’s Day were really about falling in love with ourselves, cherishing ourselves, and knowing ourselves as manifestations […]
Have You Lost Your Child to the Smartphone?
I recently reached out to a number of parents, six to be exact, about my concern for our children and what personal technology is doing to their minds, moods, behavior, relationships, and just about everything else. Specifically, I pointed out what I witness: the constant need for distraction, relating to the device rather than the […]
Has Personal Technology Killed the Magic of Travel?
I recently traveled out of the country. What was most striking about this recent trip was the constant and inescapable presence of personal technology. At the airport, on the airplane, in the customs line, at the baggage claim, in the hotel lobby, at the hotel bar, by the pool, on the beach, in the cafes, […]
Burnt Paws and Broken Spirits: What Happens When the Circus Lights Go Out?
I grew up going to the circus. As a little girl, it felt like a place of innocent fun and joy. I believed that circus animals were also having fun as they did their amazing tricks, and of course being treated with the kindness and compassion that they deserved. I also believed that their handlers […]