What’s the Story You’re Telling Yourself About Yourself?
Have you locked yourself into a life you’ve already written? Do you ever feel like no matter what you do or say, how you behave, or the choices you make, the results are the same? No matter how hard you try, you can’t move the dial forward: can’t experience new things, new people, and new […]
Our Feelings Contradict Each Other, and That’s OK
In Part 1 of this series, I suggested a relational paradigm shift that could lead you to greater closeness and intimacy in your relationships and to feeling more heard and understood. Specifically, when your partner and you have different truths, when your experience and your partner’s don’t align, that you could adopt a both-and attitude rather than one of either […]
I Don’t Want to Be Fixed, I Just Want to Be Heard
The biggest issue couples fight about is whose version of reality is right—whose experience is valid, accurate, and what really happened. As their therapist, I am assigned the role of referee in the battle, with the power to determine whose truth is accurate and thus deserving of being heard and attended to. The question becomes which person’s […]
A Secret That Some Mothers Will Never Tell
Kate (not her real name) had never been in therapy when she showed up in my office. She had never felt the need or desire to confide in anyone outside her close circle of friends and family. A happy, emotionally healthy woman in her mid-40s, Kate was in my office to talk about one particular problem that […]
What Puts A Woman in the Mood
For women, the ultimate foreplay happens in small moments throughout the day. Diving into an article on sex, you might expect advice on love notes slipped into pockets, date nights in new locations, or, maybe, wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath—all good ideas and certainly ways to build sexiness in a relationship. But I […]
A Successful Relationship Doesn’t Always Mean Forever
What we want changes over our lifetime, and so must our relationship. In my previous post, I discussed what I call “the f*ck it fifties,” a time in a woman’s life when what we need and where we want to put our attention simply changes. Sometimes it happens when our domestic nest empties out, when our usual […]
The F-It Fifties: When the Person You Used to Be Is Gone
We change as we age. Not just physically, but who we are changes—what feels important, meaningful, and interesting, what we want and need, all evolve along the life journey. For many women, there’s a time in life when domesticity is what we want, and our role in the family is who we are. There’s also a time […]
The Key to Unshakable Safety When Speaking the Truth
True safety is being able to stay present, no matter what reaction you receive. In the previous article in this series, I suggested that women aren’t afraid of conflict itself, but what conflict has historically cost them—connection, approval, and safety. So too, I proposed “a way through.” That is, a way to speak your truth, […]
How to Be More Honest and Less Afraid of the Truth
Part 6 in a series. In the last article, I discussed the deep-seated fears associated with telling the truth and why disruption and potential loss of connection in a relationship can feel like death. And furthermore, why these fears are so deep in our wiring; why our nervous system goes on high alert at the idea of […]
Why Speaking the Truth Feels Like a Threat to Your Survival
How to be honest in a way that respects your fear, and your reality. This post is part five in a series. In the last article, I introduced stage two of “truthing,” the process of learning to speak your truth out loud. In this stage, your mind often “knows” that you’ll be okay if you’re […]