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To break free from your narrative, become aware of the meaning you’re making. Key points As a couples therapist and also someone who’s been married a long time, I often wonder why it’s so difficult
We can find fabulous things on the internet, but we can’t find our feelings. The assignment the college professor gave her students was to write about their experience of the course and how they felt
“The longest journey you’ll ever take is from the head to the heart.” This phrase, often attributed to the Sioux Indian tradition, refers to the shift from a purely intellectual, head-based way of interacting with
When you’ve already written your story, it’s the only life that can happen. I was eavesdropping at my local diner—my favorite laboratory for human behavior. At the next table, a couple in their mid-forties was
Have you locked yourself into a life you’ve already written? Do you ever feel like no matter what you do or say, how you behave, or the choices you make, the results are the same?
The first step toward knowing what’s next is letting yourself not know it. I’ve written a lot about the habit of “shoulding” on ourselves, constantly telling ourselves all the things we should do, improve, become,
In Part 1 of this series, I suggested a relational paradigm shift that could lead you to greater closeness and intimacy in your relationships and to feeling more heard and understood. Specifically, when your partner and you
The biggest issue couples fight about is whose version of reality is right—whose experience is valid, accurate, and what really happened. As their therapist, I am assigned the role of referee in the battle, with the power
Kate (not her real name) had never been in therapy when she showed up in my office. She had never felt the need or desire to confide in anyone outside her close circle of friends and family.
For women, the ultimate foreplay happens in small moments throughout the day. Diving into an article on sex, you might expect advice on love notes slipped into pockets, date nights in new locations, or, maybe,
What we want changes over our lifetime, and so must our relationship. In my previous post, I discussed what I call “the f*ck it fifties,” a time in a woman’s life when what we need
We change as we age. Not just physically, but who we are changes—what feels important, meaningful, and interesting, what we want and need, all evolve along the life journey. For many women, there’s a time in life
True safety is being able to stay present, no matter what reaction you receive. In the previous article in this series, I suggested that women aren’t afraid of conflict itself, but what conflict has historically
Part 6 in a series. In the last article, I discussed the deep-seated fears associated with telling the truth and why disruption and potential loss of connection in a relationship can feel like death. And
How to be honest in a way that respects your fear, and your reality. This post is part five in a series. In the last article, I introduced stage two of “truthing,” the process of