When Feeling Guilty is Your Natural State
Do you ever feel like you’re inclined to accept the blame when things go wrong? The truth is, some of us are more prone to feeling guilty, as if a background sense of guilt is just wired into our system. Even if we don’t know specifically what we did wrong, we’re convinced that we did something we shouldn’t have, […]
Can I Let My Child Be Bored?
Perhaps the most common question I get in all my talks to parents and families around the country is What should I do when my kid says he’s bored and I don’t want to give him the device? Just this week, a mom told me that her son is always asking her What’s next? I’m bored, what should I […]
How Long Should You Wait For Your Partner to Commit?
Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. The word has a single definition, but it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choose to be part of a couple. And on a practical level, it means the possibility of planning for a future—even if it’s […]
Are You Ready to Stop Being a Victim?
A victim, according to Webster’s dictionary, is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated or fooled by someone else, or harmed by an unpleasant event. Everyone gets attacked, injured, cheated, fooled and harmed during their life, if not physically then emotionally. And everyone gets harmed by unpleasant events. We’re all victims, in […]
Are You On Your Own Side? How to Take Good Care of Yourself From the Inside Out
Have you ever wondered why we’re so bad at self-care, why taking care of ourselves is so difficult for us human beings, and not simply inborn? Every week, another book comes out on how to take better care of ourselves. So why are we not getting it? For one thing, our self-care approach in this culture is […]
Are You Friends With Yourself?
Self-Care is an Inside Job Have you ever wondered why we’re so bad at self-care, why taking care of ourselves is so difficult for us human beings, and not simply inborn? Every week, another book comes out on how to take better care of ourselves. So why are we not getting it? For one thing, our self-care […]
How to Be Kind to Ourselves Through the Holiday Season
The holidays arrive each year with an abundance of expectations. We’re expected to be having fun and feeling joy, to be surrounded by loved ones and a warm, connected family to which we effortlessly belong. We’re expected to be busy and enjoying all sorts of exciting and festive activities, doing special holiday things. In short, we’re expected […]
When We Need an Apology But Are Never Going to Get One
Why is it so hard for some people to say “I’m sorry”? It’s remarkable how difficult these two simple words can be to say out loud. I’ve been gifted with my share of never-sorry people over the years. I say gifted, because not getting the “I’m sorry” I’ve craved and (I thought) deserved has forced me to investigate the psychology of apologies, as well […]
Can a Relationship Recover From Resentment?
As a relationship-oriented therapist, I am often asked “What’s the biggest problem couples face?” The easy answers are money and sex, but neither would be exactly true or at least not what has walked into my office or my life. The most common problem I see in intimate partnerships is what I call, t Paula […]
When We Shame Ourselves: How to Unhook from Self-Shaming Thoughts
For many (dare I say most) people, spending time with parents can unleash some pretty strong emotions. No matter how grown up we are, our original family can put us in touch with deep hurts, primal longings, unmet needs… a tsunami of feelings. If we want to challenge every ounce of peace, wellbeing, compassion, wisdom and strength […]