When We Need An Apology But Are Never Going to Get One
Why is it so hard for some people to say “I’m sorry”? It’s remarkable how difficult these two simple words can be to say out loud. I’ve been gifted with my share of never-sorry people over the years. I say gifted, because not getting the “I’m sorry” I’ve craved and (I thought) deserved has forced me to investigate the psychology […]
When You’re In Relationship With a Blamer
Our greatest challenges are our greatest teachers, and they often manifest in the form of family—at least, that’s been my experience. I have taken on a practice and habit of bowing to my hardest or most painful situations, even as I struggle with and loathe them. I know that if I can approach my greatest […]
What to Do About the People Who Blame You For Everything
My recent post, “When You’re in Relationship With a Blamer” When You’re In A Relationship With a Blamer inspired overwhelming feedback, both from people who feel they receive blame and those who think they’re blamers. (Encouragingly, many blamers expressed the desire to change their blaming habits.) The questions I raised included: The first thing to […]
When It’s Time to Let Go of Control and Surrender
Surrender is at the heart of all spiritual paths; no practice is more powerful or profound. But what does it mean to surrender? And what does it not mean? Surrender is too often misunderstood, boiled down to a few affirmations about “letting go,” and then misused as a self-help instruction. But in our misunderstanding, in trying to do surrender […]
Why It’s So Important to Feel All of Our Feelings
This past weekend I witnessed an event that was both utterly simple and utterly profound, an interaction that beautifully demonstrates what we really need to feel OK. I was sitting at an outdoor café, when what appeared to be a family of three: a mom, dad, and their 9-ish-year-old daughter (who was carrying a wrapped […]
Why the Self-Care Industry Might Be Exhausting Women
Self-care encompasses a lot more than just mani-pedis these days; it’s bloomed into an 11-billion-dollar industry, one that’s been capitalized on by almost every other consumer industry: spa, bath, water, beverage, skin care, essential oil, travel, food, home design. You name it. Everybody’s got a hand in the self-care market. Yet, it seems that the […]
When Feeling Guilty Is Your Natural State
Do you ever feel like you’re inclined to accept the blame when things go wrong? The truth is, some of us are more prone to feeling guilty, as if a background sense of guilt is just wired into our system. Even if we don’t know specifically what we did wrong, we’re convinced that we did something we […]
What Is Forgiveness and How Do You Do It?
What is forgiveness and how does it happen? We talk so much about forgiveness, throw around so many slogans, and yet it seems that we all have radically different ideas about what it actually means. We want to know how to forgive and yet it can be very hard to achieve or practice something that we don’t […]
Why We Hold Grudges and How to Let Them Go
These people are not isolated examples or peculiar in any way. Many people hold grudges, deep ones, that can last a lifetime. Many are unable to let go of the anger they feel towards those who “wronged” them in the past, even though they may have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort to do […]
What We Want Most From Relationships But Rarely Get
Most couples come to see me to learn better communication skills—or at least that’s what they say in the first session. What gets described as communication problems, however, are in fact usually listening problems. The truth is, we’re not very good listeners; we don’t know (and are not taught) how to listen to each other, at least […]