How to Live (Peacefully) With An Anger Bully
Gillian asked her husband to hang the curtains; she had been asking him for weeks. Each time, he had promised to do it, but it didn’t happen. When she asked for the fourth time, he angrily responded, “For Christ’s sake, how many times are you going to ask me? I heard you the first 10 […]
It’s Time to Get Off Our Screens and Back to Real Community
Human beings harbor a deep need to belong. The well-known psychologist Abraham Maslow established a hierarchy of human needs in which he placed the need to belong just above food, water, and physical safety. At the most basic level, belonging is survival and safety: if we’re not part of the herd, we’ll be left behind and unprotected, […]
Recovering From Mom Guilt: Dropping the Never-Enough Mom Story
“Mom guilt” is the feeling of not being a good enough mother. It can come in many forms: We’re not spending enough time with our child; we’re not patient, loving, fun, or interested enough in our children; we’re not offering our children the life, family, and opportunities that we should; and so on. The list of […]
The Guilt That Women Suffer
Women struggle mightily with the emotion of guilt. I’ve observed this truth for nearly 30 years as a psychotherapist, friend, mother, employer, neighbor, and in every other role I play with fellow women. When it comes to emotional well-being, guilt may be the greatest obstacle we face. Men struggle with guilt, too — it’s a human emotion […]
What’s Happened to Emotional Resilience?
My friend Jane was lamenting the fact that her 10-year-old daughter would be coming home from camp early. Jane had finally given in; she couldn’t take the sobbing phone calls about how awful camp was and how the girls in the cabin were irritating, impossible, and essentially, mistreating her daughter. My friend was confused and frustrated […]
Should vs. Want: Freeing Yourself From the “Shoulding” Habit
Have you ever noticed how much of your life is driven and dictated by the word (and feeling) of should? Most of us devote an inordinate amount of time and energy to doing and being what we think we should do and be. At the same time, we spend a surprisingly small amount of attention on what we […]
Anxious About Returning to Family Gatherings? Be Prepared.
Seeing family again, in person, can be triggering. How to emotionally prepare. Over the coming months, many of us will be attending in-person family gatherings, maybe for the first time in close to two years. While being with family in the flesh can feel nourishing and joyful, and you may be really looking forward […]
The More We Make Room for What Hurts, the Better We Feel
This past weekend I witnessed an event that was both utterly simple and utterly profound, an interaction that beautifully demonstrates what we really need to feel OK. I was sitting at an outdoor café, when what appeared to be a family of three: a mom, dad, and their 9-ish-year-old daughter (who was carrying a wrapped […]
How to Relax When You Don’t Have the Answers
The first time it was suggested to me that I stop trying to think up a solution to the situation I was trying desperately to solve, to figure it all out, it sounded a lovely idea. But truth be told, I had no idea how to put this advice into action. Resolution, for me, had […]
Putting the Brakes on Overthinking
I talk and write a lot about why we overthink and ruminate so much, and keep thinking about all the worst parts of our lives, all the things that bring us pain. At the most basic level, we stay hooked on our thoughts because thinking gives us a sense of control. It makes us feel […]