How Long Should I Wait for My Partner to Commit?
Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. While it has a single definition, it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choosing to be part of the couple. And on a practical level, the possibility then of planning […]
Pokemon, No? Putting Down Our Phones to Meet the Real World
Two men fell off a cliff in California playing “Pokemon Go,” apparently, trying to catch characters in the virtual game. And, I suppose, trying to gain the bragging rights that come with such a catch. It would be easy to chalk this up to a “Pokemon” issue, the distraction of the moment, but it would also be […]
Can We Get Addicted to Disappointment?
Most all of us are disappointed and hurt by our parents, from time to time. It’s just part of being a human. But for some, t’s not just from time to time, it’s pretty much all the time. When the disappointment and hurt is so consistent and painful, we can build a core belief that we will always be disappointed and […]
Is Virtual Relationship Sexier Than Real Life Relationship?
Can we ever be as cool in real life as we are on text? We all know that teenagers text—a lot. But as the mother of a teenager, I am sometimes shocked by how much a lot can be, and more to the point, the impact that all this texting, virtual relating, is having on our children’s real […]
Why Surrender is So Powerful, and How to Experience It?
Surrender is at the heart of all spiritual practice; no path is more powerful or profound. But what does it mean to surrender? And what does it not mean? Surrender is too often misunderstood, boiled down to a few affirmations about “letting go,” and then misused as a self-help instruction. But, in our misunderstanding, in our trying to do surrender with […]
You Can’t Change Someone Else But You Can Do This
So many things bother us—people, mostly. But pretty much everything has the power to upset our basic sense of well-being. Our tendency, when things bother us, is to blame the other person or situation for getting it wrong and thus causing our suffering. Once we have identified what we consider the cause of our disturbance, we usually set […]
4 Steps to Stop Blaming
This is the third blog in a series on blame. I wrote the first two blogs to help those who feel consistently blamed, while this installment is for those who do the blaming. It was not my original intention to write a piece for blamers, but I was inundated with (and inspired by) emails from readers who self-identified as […]
How to Feel Better and Trust Life: The Practice of Surrender
When confronted with difficult feelings, or any feelings really, my tendency is to want to figure out how the feelings will serve as my teachers, make me more aware and help me grow as a human being. That, I guess you could say, is my way of keeping feelings at a safe distance and under the control of my mind. Some […]
When Is It Time to Stop Trying to Fix Ourselves?
Are you a self-help junkie? Even if you don’t have a stack of books on your bedside table detailing the newest ways to fix yourself, you still might be. And it wouldn’t be your fault if you were. Our conditioning from a very young age is to believe that we need to become better, new and improved versions of ourselves, even […]
When You’re In Relationship With a Blamer
There is no better time for growing than the holiday season. And not just growing in the belly, but in the heart and mind as well. Family interactions, particularly those that go on over a period of consecutive days, offer profound opportunities for self-awareness, learning, and evolution. Our greatest challenges are our greatest teachers, and they often […]