fbpx
Nancy Colier

Parenting 101: Love Is In the Details

Pam was crying tears of happiness and relief, but also sadness. The man she’d been dating for six months had asked, “How do you feel about what’s happening in the news, given what happened to you in middle school?” Her boyfriend had remembered a small detail about her, something she had mentioned in the first week of their […]

How Long Should You Wait For Your Partner to Commit?

Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. The word has a single definition, but it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choose to be part of a couple. And on a practical level, it means the possibility of planning for a future—even if it’s […]

When We Need an Apology But Are Never Going to Get One

Why is it so hard for some people to say “I’m sorry”? It’s remarkable how difficult these two simple words can be to say out loud. I’ve been gifted with my share of never-sorry people over the years. I say gifted, because not getting the “I’m sorry” I’ve craved and (I thought) deserved has forced me to investigate the psychology of apologies, as well […]

The Key to Intimacy is Radical Listening

The key to deep intimacy in relationship is listening, but listening in a radically new way. Most of us, when listening, are doing one of two things and sometimes both.  First, we are scanning for danger: is there something that our partner is expressing that conflicts with what we experience or believe. If so, then […]

When We Need Empathy From Our Partner, But Receive Judgment

The other morning, I overheard the following exchange. Besides breaking my heart, it reminded me of the profound possibilities that relationships offer—for connection and also for pain. The exchange: Woman: I am really struggling with this presentation.  I feel so burdened by it, like I have to cover every topic, and there are too many and I don’t […]

You Can’t Change Someone Else But You Can Do This

So many things bother us—people, mostly. But pretty much everything has the power to upset our basic sense of well-being. Our tendency, when things bother us, is to blame the other person or situation for getting it wrong and thus causing our suffering. Once we have identified what we consider the cause of our disturbance, we usually set […]

4 Steps to Stop Blaming

This is the third blog in a series on blame. I wrote the first two blogs to help those who feel consistently blamed, while this installment is for those who do the blaming. It was not my original intention to write a piece for blamers, but I was inundated with (and inspired by) emails from readers who self-identified as […]

Are You A Blamer? How to Break the Blaming Habit.

This is the third blog in a series on the topic of blame.  The first two blogs were written to help those who feel consistently blamed while this installment in for those who do the blaming.  It was not my original intention to write a piece for blamers, but I was inundated with (and inspired […]

What to Do About the People Who Blame You for Everything

My recent post: “When You’re In Relationship With A Blamer,” inspired overwhelming feedback, both from people who feel they receive blame and those who think they’re blamers. (Encouragingly, many blamers expressed the desire to change their blaming habits.) The questions I raised included: How do we proceed when someone that matters to us assigns us negative intentions that […]

When You’re In Relationship With a Blamer

There is no better time for growing than the holiday season. And not just growing in the belly, but in the heart and mind as well. Family interactions, particularly those that go on over a period of consecutive days, offer profound opportunities for self-awareness, learning, and evolution. Our greatest challenges are our greatest teachers, and they often […]