Do You Feel Alone When You’re Together? How to Deepen Your Connection With Your Partner
A lot of couples show up in my office because they don’t feel deeply connected. Often, one member of the couple feels like she can’t connect with her partner and is lonely in the relationship. Couples describe intimate relationships that contain a paltry supply of real intimacy. In light of this, I wanted to offer something I witnessed recently, which was […]
What is Forgiveness, Really? When “Letting it Go” and “Burying the Hatchet” Fail…What Works?
What is forgiveness and how does it happen? We talk so much about forgiveness, throw around so many slogans, and yet it seems that we all have radically different ideas about what it actually means. We want to know how to forgive and yet it can be very hard to achieve or practice something that we don’t […]
When We Can No Longer Silence Our Truth
This week something remarkable happened—change happened. When a long-present way of feeling or behaving transforms, I view it as a miracle, a gift of grace. Two months ago, a dear friend, someone I consider family, asked to borrow money. I’m working a lot these days (thankfully) and therefore could provide the help. My friend told me that […]
Choosing Love Over Fear: Responding From Love Not Reacting From Fear
Reject fear, choose love. This is a popular refrain and wonderful advice. Many believe that there are only two primal emotions in the human being, love and fear, and that we cannot feel both at once. And, that in the same way that light removes darkness, love can remove fear. The choice to reject fear and choose love can feel like […]
When Feeling Guilty is Your Natural State
Do you ever feel like you’re inclined to accept the blame when things go wrong? The truth is, some of us are more prone to feeling guilty, as if a background sense of guilt is just wired into our system. Even if we don’t know specifically what we did wrong, we’re convinced that we did something we shouldn’t have, […]
How Long Should You Wait For Your Partner to Commit?
Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. The word has a single definition, but it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choose to be part of a couple. And on a practical level, it means the possibility of planning for a future—even if it’s […]
Can a Relationship Recover From Resentment?
As a relationship-oriented therapist, I am often asked “What’s the biggest problem couples face?” The easy answers are money and sex, but neither would be exactly true or at least not what has walked into my office or my life. The most common problem I see in intimate partnerships is what I call, t Paula […]
When We Shame Ourselves: How to Unhook from Self-Shaming Thoughts
For many (dare I say most) people, spending time with parents can unleash some pretty strong emotions. No matter how grown up we are, our original family can put us in touch with deep hurts, primal longings, unmet needs… a tsunami of feelings. If we want to challenge every ounce of peace, wellbeing, compassion, wisdom and strength […]
IDO Podcast: Is Your Partner in Love With Their Phone?
114: Is Your Partner In Love With Their Phone?
The One Decision That Will Radically Improve Your Family Life
If you’re a mom then I’m certain you know the experience of telling your child to do something and getting no response, and then telling your child to do it again and getting no response, and then telling your child once again and getting no response, and then becoming frustrated and possibly raising your voice, and […]