11 Questions to Ask Before Getting a Divorce
11 Questions to Ask Before Getting a Divorce New York Times, May 18, 2017
How to Heal Defensiveness in Close Relationships
Most of us are defensive in close relationships. If we’re not, we have to interact with people who are. It is the relational disease of our culture and the one that imprisons and destroys intimacy, and prevents love and connection between partners and friends. Why are we so defensive and what are we so afraid of? And… […]
CBS Radio with Nancy Colier and Dr. Pat Farnack
Nancy Colier, Psychotherapist and Author of “The Power of Off” Nancy Colier is a Manhattan psychotherapist, life coach, and author of “The Power of Off.” She talks about how use of our devices has really affected our entire world, and not always for the better.
6 Tips for Successful Dating in the Digital Age
Technology has exploded our dating options and put dating effectively on amphetamines. The sheer quantity of choices gives us the feeling that we can and will meet someone through technology. How could we not? And yet, precisely because there is so much choice, we often don’t give the person we’ve met a real chance. If […]
How Long Should I Wait for My Partner to Commit?
Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. While it has a single definition, it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choosing to be part of the couple. And on a practical level, the possibility then of planning […]
The Key to Intimacy is Radical Listening
The key to deep intimacy in relationship is listening, but listening in a radically new way. Most of us, when listening, are doing one of two things and sometimes both. First, we are scanning for danger: is there something that our partner is expressing that conflicts with what we experience or believe. If so, then […]
How to Overcome Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship
Most of us feel insecure in relationship from time to time. But for some, it’s a chronic condition that never subsides. Insecurity in a relationship prevents us from speaking our truth, being genuine and honest with our partner and ourselves, and expressing what we really need and want. When we don’t trust the relationship, we […]
Can We Get Addicted to Disappointment?
Most all of us are disappointed and hurt by our parents, from time to time. It’s just part of being a human. But for some, t’s not just from time to time, it’s pretty much all the time. When the disappointment and hurt is so consistent and painful, we can build a core belief that we will always be disappointed and […]
When We Need Empathy From Our Partner, But Receive Judgment
The other morning, I overheard the following exchange. Besides breaking my heart, it reminded me of the profound possibilities that relationships offer—for connection and also for pain. The exchange: Woman: I am really struggling with this presentation. I feel so burdened by it, like I have to cover every topic, and there are too many and I don’t […]
You Can’t Change Someone Else But You Can Do This
So many things bother us—people, mostly. But pretty much everything has the power to upset our basic sense of well-being. Our tendency, when things bother us, is to blame the other person or situation for getting it wrong and thus causing our suffering. Once we have identified what we consider the cause of our disturbance, we usually set […]