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In my previous post on projection, I discussed two important skills for when your partner projects their “stuff” onto you. I encouraged awareness and empathy, and suggested that projection can paradoxically encourage connection; when you’re aware of
In Part 3 of this series, I want to offer some guidance for when you’re the one being projected on—those moments when your partner is accusing you of causing their old and unhealed wounds, and
Bob (not his real name) has been complaining to me about his wife, Jan, for months now. According to Bob, she humiliates him. In social situations, Jan behaves as if he doesn’t exist; she excludes
Is there someone in your life, maybe from your past, whose company sets off strong and difficult feelings over which you don’t seem to have any control, no matter how much “work” you’ve done and
Women are trained to take care of other people’s feelings; through our conditioning, we learn early that it’s our job to make other people happy, to take care of other people’s experiences. And that it’s
While “codependent” is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely-used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive or
In Part 1 of this series, I examined what it feels like to need your partner’s approval in order to feel okay about yourself. Here, I’ll address some of the many complicated conditions that lead to
Dealing with a relationship that brings you back to old—and unwelcome—feelings and behaviors Jane, a client, was heading out to see her stepfather. She had described him as someone who talked incessantly about his importance
While “codependent” is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely- used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive
This post is Part 2 of a series. I ended Part 1 of this series on learning to say “no” by asking the question, How do we give ourselves permission to start incorporating ‘no’ into our
Thirty-five years ago, my sorority sister was raped at a fraternity party. She didn’t report it for reasons we can guess, having heard this story a thousand times by now. Indeed, it was the clichéd
This is the third in a series of posts. Read part 1 and part 2. In this series, I’ve been looking at the experience of living with a partner with anger issues, as well as ways to shift your thinking
In Part 1 of this series, “How to Live (Peacefully) With An Anger Bully,” I looked at the experience of living with someone with anger issues, what it’s actually like and what happens to you internally when your partner’s
Gillian asked her husband to hang the curtains; she had been asking him for weeks. Each time, he had promised to do it, but it didn’t happen. When she asked for the fourth time, he
Human beings harbor a deep need to belong. The well-known psychologist Abraham Maslow established a hierarchy of human needs in which he placed the need to belong just above food, water, and physical safety. At