Home / Blog
Blog
When What You Need Is Not What Other People Need From You
October 21, 2023
Women play a lot of different roles for a lot of different people. The truth is, women, men, and non-binary, we all play parts in the world: someone’s parent, teacher, boss, employee, doctor, friend, daughter, ad
“Being Authentic” Is Not Always Telling Your Whole Truth
September 17, 2023
I write a lot about the importance of “speaking your truth,” building the courage to say what’s actually real for you, regardless of whether that truth is pleasing or disappointing to another person. In short,
Responding Mindfully When Your Partner is Projecting On You
August 9, 2023
In my previous post on projection, I discussed two important skills for when your partner projects their “stuff” onto you. I encouraged awareness and empathy, and suggested that projection can paradoxically encourage connection; when you’re aware of
What to Do When Your Partner Projects Their “Stuff” Onto You
July 17, 2023
In Part 3 of this series, I want to offer some guidance for when you’re the one being projected on—those moments when your partner is accusing you of causing their old and unhealed wounds, and
Projection and Defensiveness: The 2 Relationship Toxins that Can Poison the House
July 2, 2023
Bob (not his real name) has been complaining to me about his wife, Jan, for months now. According to Bob, she humiliates him. In social situations, Jan behaves as if he doesn’t exist; she excludes
How to Stay Grounded When Faced With Those Who Trigger Us
June 21, 2023
Is there someone in your life, maybe from your past, whose company sets off strong and difficult feelings over which you don’t seem to have any control, no matter how much “work” you’ve done and
Stop Apologizing For Your Truth
June 8, 2023
Women are trained to take care of other people’s feelings; through our conditioning, we learn early that it’s our job to make other people happy, to take care of other people’s experiences. And that it’s
How to Become Someone Who “Matters”
May 17, 2023
While “codependent” is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely-used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive or
How to Be Independent in Your Relationship: A New Model for Love
May 12, 2023
In Part 1 of this series, I examined what it feels like to need your partner’s approval in order to feel okay about yourself. Here, I’ll address some of the many complicated conditions that lead to
When You Keep Getting Triggered by the Same Person (Part 1)
May 11, 2023
Dealing with a relationship that brings you back to old—and unwelcome—feelings and behaviors Jane, a client, was heading out to see her stepfather. She had described him as someone who talked incessantly about his importance
Can You Be Okay When Your Partner Is Not Okay?
April 22, 2023
While “codependent” is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely- used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive
A User’s Guide for Adding ‘No’ to Your Vocabulary
March 23, 2023
This post is Part 2 of a series. I ended Part 1 of this series on learning to say “no” by asking the question, How do we give ourselves permission to start incorporating ‘no’ into our
The Likability Cage: Are Women Still Trapped?
March 9, 2023
Thirty-five years ago, my sorority sister was raped at a fraternity party. She didn’t report it for reasons we can guess, having heard this story a thousand times by now. Indeed, it was the clichéd
Do You Feel Like A Hostage to Your Partner’s Anger?
January 20, 2023
This is the third in a series of posts. Read part 1 and part 2. In this series, I’ve been looking at the experience of living with a partner with anger issues, as well as ways to shift your thinking