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In Part 1 of this series, I examined what it feels like to need your partner’s approval in order to feel okay about yourself. Here, I’ll address some of the many complicated conditions that lead to
Dealing with a relationship that brings you back to old—and unwelcome—feelings and behaviors Jane, a client, was heading out to see her stepfather. She had described him as someone who talked incessantly about his importance
While “codependent” is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely- used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive
This post is Part 2 of a series. I ended Part 1 of this series on learning to say “no” by asking the question, How do we give ourselves permission to start incorporating ‘no’ into our
Thirty-five years ago, my sorority sister was raped at a fraternity party. She didn’t report it for reasons we can guess, having heard this story a thousand times by now. Indeed, it was the clichéd
This is the third in a series of posts. Read part 1 and part 2. In this series, I’ve been looking at the experience of living with a partner with anger issues, as well as ways to shift your thinking
In Part 1 of this series, “How to Live (Peacefully) With An Anger Bully,” I looked at the experience of living with someone with anger issues, what it’s actually like and what happens to you internally when your partner’s
Gillian asked her husband to hang the curtains; she had been asking him for weeks. Each time, he had promised to do it, but it didn’t happen. When she asked for the fourth time, he
Human beings harbor a deep need to belong. The well-known psychologist Abraham Maslow established a hierarchy of human needs in which he placed the need to belong just above food, water, and physical safety. At
“Mom guilt” is the feeling of not being a good enough mother. It can come in many forms: We’re not spending enough time with our child; we’re not patient, loving, fun, or interested enough in our
Women struggle mightily with the emotion of guilt. I’ve observed this truth for nearly 30 years as a psychotherapist, friend, mother, employer, neighbor, and in every other role I play with fellow women. When it comes to
My friend Jane was lamenting the fact that her 10-year-old daughter would be coming home from camp early. Jane had finally given in; she couldn’t take the sobbing phone calls about how awful camp was and
Have you ever noticed how much of your life is driven and dictated by the word (and feeling) of should? Most of us devote an inordinate amount of time and energy to doing and being what
Lina was someone who ruminated and worried all the time. Her mind was constantly busy chewing on and planning for one problem or another. She desperately wanted relief from her thoughts and the cacophony of
Maya had just accepted a job. It wasn’t in the field that really interested her, but it was a good position with many positive features. Her new supervisor was flexible and had kindly pushed back