The Likability Cage: Are Women Still Trapped?
Thirty-five years ago, my sorority sister was raped at a fraternity party. She didn’t report it for reasons we can guess, having heard this story a thousand times by now. Indeed, it was the clichéd story: the popular, handsome fraternity boy from a powerful family who happened to be a big donor to the university […]
Do You Feel Like A Hostage to Your Partner’s Anger?
This is the third in a series of posts. Read part 1 and part 2. In this series, I’ve been looking at the experience of living with a partner with anger issues, as well as ways to shift your thinking so as to maintain peace of mind, regardless of your partner’s state of mind. Now I want to offer some […]
Your Partner’s Anger Issues Don’t Have to Be Yours – Part 2
In Part 1 of this series, “How to Live (Peacefully) With An Anger Bully,” I looked at the experience of living with someone with anger issues, what it’s actually like and what happens to you internally when your partner’s anger is unmanaged and problematic. Here, in Part 2, I want to go further and consider how you can respond […]
How to Live (Peacefully) With An Anger Bully
Gillian asked her husband to hang the curtains; she had been asking him for weeks. Each time, he had promised to do it, but it didn’t happen. When she asked for the fourth time, he angrily responded, “For Christ’s sake, how many times are you going to ask me? I heard you the first 10 […]
It’s Time to Get Off Our Screens and Back to Real Community
Human beings harbor a deep need to belong. The well-known psychologist Abraham Maslow established a hierarchy of human needs in which he placed the need to belong just above food, water, and physical safety. At the most basic level, belonging is survival and safety: if we’re not part of the herd, we’ll be left behind and unprotected, […]
Recovering From Mom Guilt: Dropping the Never-Enough Mom Story
“Mom guilt” is the feeling of not being a good enough mother. It can come in many forms: We’re not spending enough time with our child; we’re not patient, loving, fun, or interested enough in our children; we’re not offering our children the life, family, and opportunities that we should; and so on. The list of […]
The Guilt That Women Suffer
Women struggle mightily with the emotion of guilt. I’ve observed this truth for nearly 30 years as a psychotherapist, friend, mother, employer, neighbor, and in every other role I play with fellow women. When it comes to emotional well-being, guilt may be the greatest obstacle we face. Men struggle with guilt, too — it’s a human emotion […]
What’s Happened to Emotional Resilience?
My friend Jane was lamenting the fact that her 10-year-old daughter would be coming home from camp early. Jane had finally given in; she couldn’t take the sobbing phone calls about how awful camp was and how the girls in the cabin were irritating, impossible, and essentially, mistreating her daughter. My friend was confused and frustrated […]
Should vs. Want: Freeing Yourself From the “Shoulding” Habit
Have you ever noticed how much of your life is driven and dictated by the word (and feeling) of should? Most of us devote an inordinate amount of time and energy to doing and being what we think we should do and be. At the same time, we spend a surprisingly small amount of attention on what we […]
Anxious About Returning to Family Gatherings? Be Prepared.
Seeing family again, in person, can be triggering. How to emotionally prepare. Over the coming months, many of us will be attending in-person family gatherings, maybe for the first time in close to two years. While being with family in the flesh can feel nourishing and joyful, and you may be really looking forward […]