6 Tips for Successful Dating in the Digital Age
Technology has exploded our dating options and put dating effectively on amphetamines. The sheer quantity of choices gives us the feeling that we can and will meet someone through technology. How could we not? And yet, precisely because there is so much choice, we often don’t give the person we’ve met a real chance. If […]
How Long Should I Wait for My Partner to Commit?
Commitment is a topic that brings a lot of couples into therapy. While it has a single definition, it holds infinite meanings. For many people, commitment includes an emotional acknowledgment of a we, in that we are with each other and choosing to be part of the couple. And on a practical level, the possibility then of planning […]
The Key to Intimacy is Radical Listening
The key to deep intimacy in relationship is listening, but listening in a radically new way. Most of us, when listening, are doing one of two things and sometimes both. First, we are scanning for danger: is there something that our partner is expressing that conflicts with what we experience or believe. If so, then […]
How to Overcome Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship
Most of us feel insecure in relationship from time to time. But for some, it’s a chronic condition that never subsides. Insecurity in a relationship prevents us from speaking our truth, being genuine and honest with our partner and ourselves, and expressing what we really need and want. When we don’t trust the relationship, we […]
Your Best Self in a Virtual World
“The Power of Off: Your Best Self in a Virtual World,” the new article in Best Self Magazine, based on my upcoming book, The Power of Off. Eight years ago, as a Facebook newbie, I read a post in which my good friend announced that she had gotten up for an early bike ride and […]
Is Technology Feeding Our Inner Reptile?
This presidential election is nasty. Perhaps elections have always been so, but there has definitely been an uptick in the nastiness considered acceptable in the campaign process. Indeed, there has been a nastification of our entire society. Perhaps because I write a lot about technology, someone recently asked me if I think technology is somehow causing this increase in the verbal violence and overall bad […]
Pokemon, No? Putting Down Our Phones to Meet the Real World
Two men fell off a cliff in California playing “Pokemon Go,” apparently, trying to catch characters in the virtual game. And, I suppose, trying to gain the bragging rights that come with such a catch. It would be easy to chalk this up to a “Pokemon” issue, the distraction of the moment, but it would also be […]
Can We Get Addicted to Disappointment?
Most all of us are disappointed and hurt by our parents, from time to time. It’s just part of being a human. But for some, t’s not just from time to time, it’s pretty much all the time. When the disappointment and hurt is so consistent and painful, we can build a core belief that we will always be disappointed and […]
Why We Get Caught in Power Struggles, and How to Let Them Go
This morning I had a fight with a 5-year-old, my 5-year old. I decided to write about it because the resolution felt important to me, and a great reminder for all of us who don’t live in caves and thus participate in human relationships of any kind. The fight: my daughter appears at the breakfast table, […]
Why Surrender is So Powerful, and How to Experience It?
Surrender is at the heart of all spiritual practice; no path is more powerful or profound. But what does it mean to surrender? And what does it not mean? Surrender is too often misunderstood, boiled down to a few affirmations about “letting go,” and then misused as a self-help instruction. But, in our misunderstanding, in our trying to do surrender with […]